Rebecca Coulter from "That's Just the Way It Is" Speaks Out

It’s me, Becky Coulter. Thanks for stopping by today. I invite you to read That's Just the Way It Is if you haven’t done so and to say thanks if you have.

It was difficult to find the love I had dreamed of in my Texas cowboy, John, but I did discover incredible love with my children, and well, as you’ll see in the sequel there were a few bright spots in my later life. My children were the most important thing to me; I sure hope I did right by them.

It’s a terrible thing for a mother to bury a child and even harder when the father had a part in the deed. Johnny was the love of my life and my biggest disappointment. I always told the young'uns, “don’t expect too much of anyone else, just yourself. That way you won’t feel let down, but you can always be proud of the person you are.”

I hope you like my pictures. My parents took them before they left Texas with one of those new fancy cameras from Philadelphia so they’d have something to remember me by. Pa had to close his store when the war got underway ‘cause Mama wanted to go back East. In 1862 I was only twenty-three and so full of hopes and dreams. I was happy then, and it was good to feel that way.

John never wanted his picture taken so you can only see a glimpse of him. Thinking back, that’s just the way John was. He never let anyone, even me, completely know him. It was like he held on to a part of himself too fragile to share with the world. I don’t think he was a bad man, just carried too many wounds from childhood that scarred his soul a bit. It gave him a dark side and placed a shadow over the way he looked at life. He and I never did see the world in quite the same way; it’s really sad when you think about it.

I believe life is what you make it, but the Lord had a spoon in the batter so when it was all over it was the right life for me, just not what I expected. A year after I left John, my youngest, Matty, and I took that long dusty ride back to Texas into the second half of my life. My saddest moments came along then, but also many of the best. I look forward to sharing more of them with you soon in Return to Texas.